Ave, Pandorame!

We welcome all radio listeners of our vast all-planetary Zone! Together with you, we are all waiting for a new day full of unspoken hopes and unjustified deaths in a brave new world that we are building for you!

And this new day brings a new wave of pain for those still living on Earth – scientific luminaries and experts of the “World Burial Organization” announced the beginning of the two hundred and fifty-fourth pandemic wave due to the discovery of a new strain of Pandoravirus. According to their preliminary estimates, several million more innocent lives will be taken away in the next few upcoming months by this terrible planetary epidemic, the plague of our century, which has been raging for many years thanks to high-quality vaccines. According to experts, mostly underage children and adolescents of the black race who did not pass the last monthly vaccination procedure on time with the newest, purest, and totally safe for the health of citizens gamma-vaccine developed by the world “Birth Control Center” will be exposed to this new strain. We grieve together with you, dear inhabitants of the Earth, and bequeath their souls to God, and their bodies to the “World Transplant Concern”. Rest in peace, our children!

And now – let’s look at the bright side of life. The forces of the internal security services in several Western states in the past week have prevented several more escape attempts by the groups of morally feral infected individuals from specially created exclusion zones. These madmen, who previously showed a positive infection result according to the Mengele-Fauci test system, could become new super-distributors of Pandoravirus, extremely dangerous biological terrorists and dissidents of our society. Combat missile drones, patrolling the sky day and night over quarantine zones and concentration camps for the infected, successfully eliminated all dissidents who tried to escape, thereby preventing the impending danger on clean and Pandoravirus-free zones of our megacities. We continue to take care of you, dear law-abiding citizens, and are always ready to assist you!

Cultural news. The cyberpunk rock band “Ave, QRe!”, which is touring the territory of Great Britain and continuing to rapidly gain popularity, plans to deliver several new concerts in the former territories of Italy, France, and Spain. The creativity of these promising young geniuses of the new century is traditionally highly appreciated by the jury of the Satanic Festival, which nominates them for the popular “Pandoramika” world award for the third time in a row. Young talents will once again perform such megahits as “I brought gene-code!” and “Cyborgization”.

Sports world news. The “Sports Union of Mixed Cultures” recently approved the use of genetically modifying cocktails, thus excluding them from the temporary veto. Now all interested athletes can freely use these products to improve their physical performance. As the ancients said, genetics – to the masses!

…And we would like to once again remind all residents of the megacities in the Zone that the use of non-certified software to conceal personal information, as well as the storage of illegal and pirated content from the social services entrusted with monitoring the lawful use of content contradicts the adopted amendment to the World Constitution and is punishable by life imprisonment for a criminal as well as the transfer to the lower “Zeta” caste for all members of his or her family. “Download and verify, double-check before you buy!" – this should be the inner motto of every law-abiding resident of the metropolis!

Switching to social news. Last week, members of “The Last Rubicon” hacker movement breached into a number of government networks and managed to obtain data on the location of underground genetic laboratories, where operations on genetic rejuvenation and cellular recombination continue to be carried out. Photo-avatars of the alleged criminals have already been sent out on the global public neural network. We ask all law-abiding citizens to join in the search and elimination of these info-terrorists!

News of religious nature. The new head of the Vatican, the prince of this world, speaking today in Rome before a multi-million audience of his faithful followers, who were now and then furiously chanting “Ave, prophete!”, loudly proclaimed that the creation of a human clone is not to be considered as a violation of the Third Covenant on the fading of the Holy Spirit, as was previously stated by the former fathers of the Church and the apostles, and therefore does not pose a threat of imminent death to all earthly humanity, and called for the continuation of these experiments in an attempt “…To create an ideal man, equal to God or better than him!"

And now to other news. According to the updated methods of calculating the daily labor ration, all citizens of the “Delta” caste employed in production are now supposed to consume twenty percent less liquefied food and nutrients. These “released” food resources are planned to be sent to the internal security services of megacities engaged in patrolling of territories and exterminating underground members of the Resistance. In the context of the epidemic’s spread, the fight against these dissident heretics remains to be the supranational task of the highest priority. The United World Government asks all citizens of megacities to treat this issue with understanding. Everything for the front, everything for victory!

That was all the main news for today. With hope for a better new world, Pandoranews Channel.

Ave, Pandorame!