Rituality

“You are so amazing and wonderful, so… ritual!” the Rituality flatteringly cooed to the man’s ear.

“Indeed,” he proudly raised his head, “I am a true believer!”

“Oh, no, no,” the Rituality rustled in a low voice. “I did not say ‘believer’, I just said ‘ritual’,” she hastened to add. “You are very dignified! You will certainly go to… where you belong.”

“Yeah,” replied the man, “I am no doubt worthy of the Heaven. Unlike all those crooks and sinners around me!”

“That’s not the word!” confirmed the Rituality. “How deep the world has fallen! Only scumbags are around and abound, no place for an apple to fall and lightning to strike. They will too fall… where they deserved. Unlike you. You are truly very special!” she rolled her eyes.

“Yes,” the man didn’t challenge the opinion of the Rituality. “The other day I even donated a large monetary sum to the Church.”

“The one for which they originally had to build a completely unpromising kindergarten, but built instead of a really creative casino?” figured out the Rituality. “Shared your income on my advice, aye?”

“Yeah!” smirked the man. “What wouldn’t you do for a sweet afterlife? This priest was on the seventh heaven and released all my sins from me in a swoop. So now I am worthy of Paradise, no less!”

“Sure, sure,” sweetly smiled the Rituality. “He was on minus the seventh sky. Paradise, sure. Worthy of, sure. You just don’t twitch like a snake on a frying pan when we start warming it up. And the next time you go with an offering to the church, buy a thicker candle – you know, it’s very important to make your afterlife brighter. And don’t you forget to kiss priests’ hands – they are almost saints, we can say. I mean, pious ones, always I do make mistakes like that!” choked the Rituality. “Look, make a couple of extra bows in the name of their pride, and you’ll be rolling in happiness!”

“Oh, indeed!” thought the man. “I simply forgot about all these bowings.”

“Always do I need to teach you!” snorted the Rituality. “Ignorant hypocrites!”

“And what should I be saying to priests when bowing? I am not all that trained according to the canons to speak up without a hitch.”

“Throw yourself at their feet and offer your donations. Ask to forgive you, the sinner. Add a few words from your vocabulary, such as: “And may my life rock as hell!” And keep offering them gold, all the time, don’t ever forget that! You now have a fortune, it’s easier for you to reach Heaven – unlike all these poor sinners!” grinned the interviewee.

“And everything will just rock!” confirmed the man.

“Oh, they will rock you to the death, don’t you worry,” reassured the Rituality. “We have the means for that. In the house of sorrow, in the house of grief, all the pain you will borrow, all the pain, dear thief…” she added in a singsong voice.

“The truth is yours,” agreed the man. “These sinners just fucked up. Took the Son of God and crucified him. Sorrowful or so.”

“Indeed,” the Rituality agreed with him. “These ones will have to feel sorrow. Heck, they now even justify their assassination, having invented the legend of own salvation through God’s Son. Keep earning money on this murder even now, you know. Faugh!” and the Rituality ostentatiously wrinkled her face.

“Maybe you would give another advice?” asked the man. “Really want to shut down my aching conscience, it’s has been bothering me a lot lately. I am even thinking of buying a whole temple to get to Heaven with a guarantee.”

“Conscience, you say, torments you? And you just… kill it!” said the Rituality without a sign of irony.

“How’s that… to kill?” the man didn’t get it. “Wait, is that even… possible?”

“Not even possible, but strictly required,” firmly confirmed the Rituality. “And the sooner, the better!”

“And what does one need for that?”

“Oh, very little!” grinned the Rituality. “You just need to… accept me whole,” she whispered and looked straight into man’s eyes.

In her eyes, which have suddenly darkened at that moment, malevolent sparks of flames flashed, and heat started flowing from her body.

“To allow me to… absorb you forever,” she hissed and grabbed the man in her arms, not letting him make a single movement.

At this moment under the influence of the heat her skin started cracking, red scales became visible in its place, and bony tail began to elongate between her feet.

“No!” cried the man. “Traitor! Go away from me, demon! Away, killer! I do believe!”

“N-o-o-o!” hissed the Rituality. “If you truly believed, you wouldn’t need me at all. None of the rituals are capable to replace a genuine fire of one’s heart, no false offerings to temple impostors who keep calling themselves as servants of the Lord can substitute for an honest and righteous life. Just as there can be no prayer for money, there can be no redemption for them as well. Now… do you… finally… understand?” the Rituality hissed directly to the man’s ear. “But you have chosen me instead of the Faith, which is my enemy. You weren’t helping people, but robbing them instead. Was thinking only of your own soul and how to exchange it more expensively. Come now to my arms, my dear liar…” tail of the Rituality has risen high above her head and was now looking straight into man’s eyes, attracting all his attention.

“N-o-o-o-o!” the man screamed.

“Now do you finally understand whose servant I am?!” the Rituality hellishly laughed with all her powers mere moments before nailing her new slave to the wall with her sharp as the truth tail.