Theory
No, sir, this is absolutely intolerable! What sort of absurd can be produced by the ignorant human mind of apparently reasonable being! Not only do you deny all canons and nonsenses of a scientific dirty trick, but in so-called free reflections you are almost ready to come to the true, I would say, heresies. This is truly improbable nonsense! Ignorant, I repeat, contradicting all axioms and theorems of our dirty trick, harmful for human consciousness nonsense. How defiantly and daringly did you decide to break off our remarkable, ideal, not having a single contradiction and dirty trick fine Theory, which we have been planting for many centuries here and there in various textbooks so that ones who have got acquainted with that had no other opportunity but to think in a predefined direction and as a result cannot do anything better but to express their most sincere respect to us as pioneers of Truth! The Truth as we see it – most advanced scientists of our century and creators of the best possible scientific dirty trick!
Where have you seen, oh my clueless and moderately stupid sir, elephants having exactly four feet, aye? This contradicts all our scientific Theory Of Five Legs, which is being shared by most advanced scientists of last and future centuries, not to speak of the present times!
Well, certainly, sir, we have no sufficient bases for absolute confidence in our Theory, which weight is defined not by degree of its compliance with objective reality, but rather by a number of scientific masters who are willing for the sake of their own benefit to share with us these views, but we can certainly speak of ninety-nine percent of compliance on the basis of theoretical conclusions only!
Yes, sir, this is indeed true – not a single scientific star, developing the Theory Of Five Legs, have even seen a single elephant in his life, but all in all this didn't prevent them from constructing such an elegant and consistent scheme – and all sorts of exceptions, as it usually goes in our environment, just confirm the basic rule. In any case, this is a very convenient basis for our self-justification in cases of total disagreements of our theories with this sometimes most indigestible for our fine minds vile reality.
The fact that all elephants are able to fly, unlike human beings, is also considered as being indisputable – you can read about this in infamous scientific work entitled “About Elephants Ears And Their Convergent-Divergent-Implicit-Unclear Link With Artificial Conditions Of Creation Of Air Streams Formed In A Habitat Environment By Invasive-Suggestive-Periodic-Rotary-Swinging Movements Counterclockwise During Moments Of Staying Of Specified Beings In A State Of Internal Catharsis, Which Expresses Itself In…”, which only name is already capable to inspire true respect in any admirer of our true scientific dirty trick!
We, as true experts of our business, flatly refuse to believe in very possibility of absence of the fifth foot in elephants, because it would contradict not their ability of correct and effective movement, but rather the reduction of all put forward and injected by us in human consciousness scientific theories, and to our positions as dear and respected members of this society as well. Therefore, your so-called scientific work will be sent to essential completion according to your, well, very voluntary and compulsory consent.
We will perform a transformation and bringing of the experimental data obtained by you under our own scientific theories, and if the necessity arises we will carry out retouching of all photos of elephants made by you during your journey by an artificial painting of fifth foot on them. Most certainly, we will put your initials as the founder of yet next confirmation of our Theory Of Five Legs somewhere on the thousand page, after all, initials of our dear masters, who have put so many time and forces into the business of developing of our scientific dirty trick. In case of your disagreement, we will be compelled to recognize you as the charlatan and speculator who is confusing human minds and to expose you in the worst possible light which can be produced by our collective imp-consciousness.
Your dunno want that? Well, that's your right. You simply have no idea of the power of pack and our great collective scientific dirty trick! Yes, free will to free minds. As they say, may your road lead you directly into the clutches of Truth! And don't you forget to take the slippers, sir!